mama never mentioned there being days like this

Throughout Christendom singles are taught to conduct themselves in a certain manner that, if done correctly, will allow them the joys of relationship bliss that God not only condones but also blesses.  Interestingly this advice is often given by people that are married and no longer relate to the struggles and pitfalls of navigating the world of “finding someone” and is often taught as if the audience has never heard any idea on how to date someone.

While there is no set formula that guarantees success, there are plenty of rules that are looked upon as the gold standard by which someone is to find a mate.  Often these rules are good ones such as “seek God first and someone will come along that falls into place with your Godly desires”, “search for character over physical attributes”, or “be modest, pure, and above reproach”.  These rules are, in fact, good ones to live and conduct oneself by, but what happens when they don’t’ “work”?

I’ve read the books, listened to the sermons, sought Godly council-the whole 9 yards- in efforts to prepare myself to be the man God would have meet, date, and ultimately marry the woman God has for me.  I’ve followed the rules and guidelines set forth by scripture in many cases to the T.  Yet, at the end of the day, and subsequently end of every relationship, I find myself alone wondering what went wrong.  There is always the classic “it’s not you, its me” routine that I get, but it just feels like that doesn’t suffice.  In most of the relationships I’ve been in I’ve done what was required of me by the book and come away empty handed.

Here is how my typical relationship goes:

Meet a girl I find attractive

Talk to her to get to know her

Ask her out

Go on a few dates

Meet her friends and maybe family

Steer clear of physical contact that would lead to sin

Keep a very open line of communication about my intensions and where the relationship is going

Pray regularly about doing the right thing in all aspects of the relationship

Seek advice from friends and Godly council

Go on a few more dates

Get dumped

So what do we do with the idea of a relationship not working even when we do all the right things?

To be honest, I don’t know.

The easy answer, that isn’t so easy to accept, is to trust God in His timing and ultimate plan.  We do not have infinite knowledge and intellect…He does.  He knows what’s best for us in everything, even relationships.

At times I wish I had done something wrong in relationships so I could look at the situation and say “this is what I need to fix”, fix it, and be ready to go into a relationship with everything worked out.  That’s not how these things work though.  Sometimes it just isn’t right.  The timing may be bad, the other person may not be ready for a relationship, or God is trying to teach you something else entirely.

There are those moments of doubt and being nothing but perplexed by the situation of things not working out, but that does not mean God has given up on the whole thing.  Perhaps the best practical way we can go about it is continuing to do what is right in God’s sight and know that He will reward the effort some day in one way or another.

So for those fellow warriors still in the confusing battle that is “lack there of”…hold on!

It is always too early to quit.

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Please note that this, in no way, is a knock on anyone that subscribes to a certain idea, book, or philosophy on dating.  Nor is this a dig at anyone of the girls that have dumped me along the way.  Instead, it is just me attempting to shed some light on what I see as a frustrating aspect of the life of a single person in a Christian context.

peace.

God speaking to me...this time about relationships

God can speak to us in so many ways.  That alone is impressive.  It is even more impressive that God speaks to us in ways that hone in with our personalities.  Lately gone has been speaking to me through means of my intellect more so than through experiences.  A perfect example of this is how much I feel I've learned recently about relationships and the actions God calls me to in those regards, and I'm not even in a relationship.

Over the course of the past several weeks I have had great Godly conversations with several people about their relationships, models of Godly relationships, or what Scripture says about the subject.  These conversations have been ones that truly speak to me despite that fact that I cannot fully relate to every aspect of them because of my standing in the world of "relationships".  In addition to that, I've had one particular old friend that has been posting up a storm on facebook about her single friends needing to contact her to find a mate. While it's been comical at times, she has also taken to blogging about the topic and how she sees many of the struggles and factors that come into play in the dating world.  It is a great read and a source that I think highly of-she's been married for a few years now and has 3 kids with her wonderful husband.

Then, a BCM director friend posted a link to a church's site where they have the audio from a sermon series about relationships and marriage.  It's good stuff. 

Bouncing off of that, I read through 1 Timothy 6:11-12 and was very encouraged and challenged to prepare myself to step up more as a man.  And when I say "prepare myself to step up more as a man" I mean in every aspect of life: relationships, my witness and testimony of Christ's continual work in my life, ministry, finances, and thought.  God does not call me, as a man, to an easy and sidelined existence.  The creator of the universe made me in such a way that I would take hold of every opportunity before me to bring glory to His name in a mighty way.  That goes for how I pursue and treat a women to how I make the most of every opportunity to serve those around me as Christ served.

I also think about how fortunate I have been in my life to be surrounded by great men of God that have given a great example of how to lead, serve, and minister without sacrificing manhood in any way.  I look at men like my hometown pastor Johnny Hutchison, my college roommate and bff Ben Neiser, and my buddy Jace Tubbs who have all modeled how to be a man in service to everyone around them, especially their wives.  I hope to be able to live a servant manhood as they have in all aspects of my life, including marriage.  But, I'm not there yet, so for now I listen and prepare.


-peace

open minded

I was having a discussion via someone's facebook post the other day and something came to mind that I fins to be a growing trend in society.  There are a lot of people that claim to be very "open minded" but remain some of the most close minded people I know of.

Here's what I mean:
The discussion started as a talk about Texas' super conservative school boards forcing certain teachings down students' throats, which I'm against, but then turned toward science versus religion in a way.  I'll be the first to admit that science and any argument against it is not my speciality or something I'm all that interested in to be honest.  Yet, I kept find myself going back to this conversation because something stuck out to me in this individual that I see a lot in other areas of life.  Many people claim to have an open minded perspective but are, in fact, closed off from thought outside of what they're comfortable with.

Take politics for example.
(Again, this is not my area of expertise and I often care very little for it other than voting in an informed manner - there is too much drama that me arguing about is not going to change)
Often I see "liberals" talk about how "conservatives" are close minded about minorities, the poor, the environment, and spending.  In reality though, many times these are sweeping generalities and uninformed at that.  I see many "liberals" not open to the idea of more than one solution to problems or ways of learning.  The same could be said about "conservatives" thinking "liberals" are closed off to the ideas of religion and its place in government and schools, when, in reality, there are far more options than they consider or discuss.

At any rate, I feel that we've gotten to a place as society where any idea that isn't yours is shot down immediately as being close minded.  That, in and of itself, is the actual definition of being close minded.  It's really a shame that things are this way in government, public policy, and even within friendships.
We should all strive to have a truly open mind for whatever or whomever comes before us.

A couple things to keep in mind:
I do believe in absolute truth and don't budge on it, as prescribed by Scripture, so don't think I'm some "let's all get along and accept everything and everyone's ideas".  I know some of you have already judged me as such.  Don't do it.  You're being close minded.

Christians: Truth fears no question.  Just because you allow yourself to consider outside possibilities to questions you have or hear does not mean God is scared or changed.  He is truth and He is right.  Fear not.  An open mind is not the Devil's work.  If anything, it is God revealing himself to be what He is.


-peace