Throughout Christendom singles are taught to conduct themselves in a certain manner that, if done correctly, will allow them the joys of relationship bliss that God not only condones but also blesses. Interestingly this advice is often given by people that are married and no longer relate to the struggles and pitfalls of navigating the world of “finding someone” and is often taught as if the audience has never heard any idea on how to date someone.
While there is no set formula that guarantees success, there are plenty of rules that are looked upon as the gold standard by which someone is to find a mate. Often these rules are good ones such as “seek God first and someone will come along that falls into place with your Godly desires”, “search for character over physical attributes”, or “be modest, pure, and above reproach”. These rules are, in fact, good ones to live and conduct oneself by, but what happens when they don’t’ “work”?
I’ve read the books, listened to the sermons, sought Godly council-the whole 9 yards- in efforts to prepare myself to be the man God would have meet, date, and ultimately marry the woman God has for me. I’ve followed the rules and guidelines set forth by scripture in many cases to the T. Yet, at the end of the day, and subsequently end of every relationship, I find myself alone wondering what went wrong. There is always the classic “it’s not you, its me” routine that I get, but it just feels like that doesn’t suffice. In most of the relationships I’ve been in I’ve done what was required of me by the book and come away empty handed.
Here is how my typical relationship goes:
Meet a girl I find attractive
Talk to her to get to know her
Ask her out
Go on a few dates
Meet her friends and maybe family
Steer clear of physical contact that would lead to sin
Keep a very open line of communication about my intensions and where the relationship is going
Pray regularly about doing the right thing in all aspects of the relationship
Seek advice from friends and Godly council
Go on a few more dates
Get dumped
So what do we do with the idea of a relationship not working even when we do all the right things?
To be honest, I don’t know.
The easy answer, that isn’t so easy to accept, is to trust God in His timing and ultimate plan. We do not have infinite knowledge and intellect…He does. He knows what’s best for us in everything, even relationships.
At times I wish I had done something wrong in relationships so I could look at the situation and say “this is what I need to fix”, fix it, and be ready to go into a relationship with everything worked out. That’s not how these things work though. Sometimes it just isn’t right. The timing may be bad, the other person may not be ready for a relationship, or God is trying to teach you something else entirely.
There are those moments of doubt and being nothing but perplexed by the situation of things not working out, but that does not mean God has given up on the whole thing. Perhaps the best practical way we can go about it is continuing to do what is right in God’s sight and know that He will reward the effort some day in one way or another.
So for those fellow warriors still in the confusing battle that is “lack there of”…hold on!
It is always too early to quit.
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Please note that this, in no way, is a knock on anyone that subscribes to a certain idea, book, or philosophy on dating. Nor is this a dig at anyone of the girls that have dumped me along the way. Instead, it is just me attempting to shed some light on what I see as a frustrating aspect of the life of a single person in a Christian context.
peace.
